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MaryAine Curtis offers Feng Shui for the Soul and is an Emissary of Change, Spiritual
Guide, Master Rapid Eye Technician, Speaker & Visionary. MaryAine Curtis has been
helping people professionally as a holistic therapist since 1996. To schedule a Discovery
Session with her, call (805) 215-
How to Attract and Keep
the Love You Want
By MaryAine Curtis, Transformation Coach &
Spiritual Psychology Coach
They say opposites attract each other and intense love comes from this attraction that is known as the “honeymoon” period. According to Harville Hendrix, “Getting The Love You Want”; attraction is motivated by the ancient reptilian brain that attracts the exact “right “person for you to work out your childhood wounds with. Great news, right? So getting and keeping the love you want is what this article is about.
The reptilian stage is when you fall in love and think all the little quirks are endearing. After this “honeymoon” phase is over is when the quirks begin to get on your nerves and you may love each enough to stay together. This is when you stretch and grow if the you really feel that you’re right for each other.
I’m in a new relationship and we have more life experience and it’s important enough to us to give and receive the things that we always said we wanted. We’re older and we want this relationship to work so we’re both willing to work on it even though we’ve had a few bumps along the way.
A loving relationship requires respect, love, fun, honesty, individuality and communication.
Can you agree to some guidelines that will help you when things get tense, when you react instead of respond lovingly? Many times the fear of acceptance takes over and causes you to slam the door when all you really want is understanding and a hug.
How do you know what’s happening with your feelings?
A reaction is fearful and is defensive and needs justification for why you aren’t
wrong. Fear makes you act out of character kind of like a six year old child. Once
you understand why you react, you can change it if it’s not working for you. As you
learn about your childhood triggers, you can have compassion for each other by understanding,
but it’s not an excuse for poor behavior.
A response is compassionate without blaming. A response is honestly saying how you feel in the moment and is not chained to the past. Saying something like, “I feel scared that you’ll stop loving me” will get a much better response than stating a litany of things you always do wrong. The words always and never are instant clues that the feelings come from the past and may be deeper than your conscious memory.
Read this together and discuss how it feels to you both. Here are some guidelines to think about:
1. Notice what triggers have brought up lots of icky feelings. This is an opportunity for growth.
2. Talk about how you feel when you aren’t upset without blaming or shaming the other person.
3. Discuss/fight fairly and be in the moment without dragging the past infractions into the present.
4. Respect individual taste, patterns, habits and quirkiness. Accept the whole person.
5. Accept your imperfections and focus on each other’s gifts and strengths.
Understanding each other takes time and commitment.
To begin, agree to remove the words like always and never from your vocabulary that set you up for failure. These words tap into old neuro-
Compliments and sincere appreciation will help your relationship become stronger and give you a foundation of partnership that is exactly what you’re wanting. Get help healing the childhood wounds together if possible. After all, that’s why you were so attracted to each other in the beginning. Together you can create a beautiful and lasting romantic relationship.
May you have many blessings in your love life!